Spatch: Heeeeey!

Bluq: Hello.

Spatch: When are you going to return those CDs and movies that I loaned to you?

Bluq: As soon as you turn yourself in for the unauthorized loan of the aforementioned intellectual property.

Spatch: You have to turn yourself in for accepting the loan of the property, because you are an unauthorized user.

Bluq: This is true.

Spatch: You know, I should also give myself up because I illegally transferred digital representations of intellectual property onto my 
mass storage device.

Bluq: You mean your hard drive?

Spatch: Exactly.

Bluq: I have recorded songs off the radio. Will I be arrested for that?

Spatch: AM or FM radio?

Bluq: FM.

Spatch: Onto audio cassette or CD?

Bluq: Cassette.

Spatch: Yes, you will be arrested. The punishment for transferring FM airwaves to cassette or analog media is not as 
harsh as transferring FM airwaves to CD or digital media. You would receive a lesser sentence for transferring AM airwaves.

Bluq: What if I walked into the HMV where you work and removed some intellectual property without paying for it?

Spatch: You mean unauthorized transfer of license. That is very naughty of you to even ask! But, in response to your query, that offense 
will get you punished to the full extent of the law, plus I will personally slap you. 

Bluq: Are you saying that if I buy a CD from your store, I do not own it, I only have a license to listen to it?

Spatch: Yes, and that license can be revoked upon violation of the agreement.

Bluq: What about innocently humming a tune?

Spatch: That is unauthorized public performance of intellectual property. You need written consent from the owner of the intellectual 
property.

Bluq: Singing in the shower?

Spatch: That's okay as long as no one is watching.

Bluq: *Blush*

      Uh, I recently heard that they're considering making it illegal to curse. That would mean that a lot of performers could 
also be arrested.

Spatch: Those performers would probably be protected by the movement that gave them so much grief to begin with: The PMRC.

Bluq: The what?

Spatch: The PMRC. It's an organization that urged the music industry to label music.

Bluq: You mean like Jazz Punk Garage House Club Pop Industrial Canadian Native Hip-Hop? 

Spatch: No, that's a music category. I mean a label, as in "This record contains bad language, satanic messages or Propaganda." 

Bluq: I thought that's what music was all about.

Spatch: Well, sometimes. 

Bluq: So, lemme guess, some people were opposed to the labelling?

Spatchula: Yup. Frank Zappa, Dee Snider, Motley Crue, just to name a few.

Bluq: Don't they realize that labelling their music would make it sell just that much faster?

Spatchula: You would have thought so, but no, they're just musicians, and not very smart when it comes to marketing.

Bluq: Yeah, well, that's why they have record labels. Whoops, I mean, labels, as in companies that peddle the intellectual property.

Spatchula: I think we're going around in circles here.

Bluq: Yeah, my intellectual property is getting a little dizzy.

Spatchula: You spin me right round baby, right round like a record baby, round round round round.

Bluq: Be careful, or you might get sued.